The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower
It’s easier for some people to live in a world of absolutes, where no allowance is made for variances. People are grouped into one category, where they are rarely allowed to be seen in any other way. Sometimes this process has a name, and that name is discrimination.
The dictionary tells us that discrimination is the "unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age or sex."
Discrimination against women in the corporate world is often mentioned with the inclusion of an unseen “glass ceiling.” This is an invisible limit put on some women who work in professions in which they are restricted from achieving a higher status in their career due to this "glass ceiling."
In our current society, It is generally agreed upon that discrimination is wrong and should not be tolerated. Yet, we as a society are shifting towards a discrimination that is not only widely accepted, it is used with an alarming frequency with little regard to the impact it causes. This wave of "acceptable" discrimination can be found everywhere. From comedy routines, to commercials and products geared toward this view. What is this discrimination that is allowed to flourish today, and even often encouraged? It is the discrimination against men.
You have heard the slurs that say all men are jerks, players and dogs? How they can’t be trusted, and how they should just be used for their money and not valued as people. I have personally heard countless women say the most offensive things about men and laugh. I have often confronted women in defence of men, and been met with distain and quizzical looks. My standing up for men was seen as not acceptable.
I originally wrote this post in 2013, as a mother to a young male toddler, who was alarmed at the level of male distain that was becoming acceptable in our society. Now it is 2020 and our entire world is in the throes of a pandemic, and still the messages around men have not change in 7 years! Men are still being portrayed on television shows, movies and commercials as incompetent, to the point that women have to "save them" from whatever situation they have failed at. There is still a kitchen knife holder being sold that is in the shape of a man, but only now it is available in a wider variety of colours. Each knife that fits into it impales the male figure. A very well know major online site tried to be politically correct and called it the "humanoid tool carrier", but if you look at the description, it still says "Men are jerks." In 2013 one site called it the “all men are bastards” knife block. Another site in 2020 calls it the "Your Ex." How is that funny? If the tables were reversed and the product was in the shape of a woman being impaled by knives, the public outcry would have have no doubt resulted in the product no longer being manufactured, but since it’s a guy being stabbed, that’s okay. Right??
Look, not all men are devils, and not all women are angels. The gender of a person does not speak for what kind of person they are. Just as skin colour, height, weight or profession does not speak for who a person is. I don’t think enough women even begin to think about how hard it is for men in this world. Men are judged all the time. They are judged on how they look, the amount of money in their bank account, their sexual prowess and for their social skills. In addition, they are never supposed to be shy or intimidated to talk to a woman.
There are so many women that lament that men never ask them out, or that they always have terrible dates. Sometimes they talk about a man that they know who they would like to date, but he has never "asked her out." At social events they can be heard complaining that a man made eye contact, but that was all.
I pose this question to all the women out there who want a man in their lives.Hey ladies! Have you ever asked a man out? Have you ever walked across a crowded room to ask a man if he would like a drink? How about asking a man to dance?
Try to imagine for a second how scary that must be? To find the nerve to put yourself out there knowing that you might get shot down in 2 seconds by a woman who thinks that all men are scum, and how dare you talk to her?! How many men have gone through that humiliating experience and begin to question if it is even worth it to date? Who needs that constant rejection all the time? Who wants to risk putting themselves out there to constantly encounter women who question them from the start? Men are scrutinized for everything from their manhood, intentions, social status, financial status and more!
When I was dating, I did ask men out. I was always perceived by women as strange and I confused many men too! When I went to a club, If I saw a man I thought was cute, I did ask him to dance or offered to buy him a drink. When I went on dates, I never picked the most expensive restaurant and expected a man to pay for me. I always offered to pay for myself, and I meant it! Sometimes the man I was on the date with would insist on paying, and sometimes we would split the bill. When I was dating my husband, we worked out a reciprocal paying system, where he would pay one time, and I the next.
What about the players you ask? What about them? Yes male players exist, but so do female players. If you don’t want to be with a player ladies, then use your common sense, intuition, and stick to your predetermined set of life rules you have created for yourself! Do not waver on what you will and will not accept in your life! If you don’t have any interest in being with a player and you know for a fact that the man you are talking to is a player, then don’t talk to him, or go out on a date with him! Don’t feed into his flattery or games, just walk away. If you are unhappily dating a player, but refuse to break up with him, don’t turn around and say that all men are evil! There are so many nice, decent and good men out there that are overlooked and ignored, because they are "boring."
If all you respond to are men who treat you badly, then YOU are the problem.
To the single men and women out there who want a partner. To find yourself a great partner ask yourself: How does he treat you? How does she treat you? That is the question that needs to be asked. Forget about making generalizations about people. Forget about lumping men into the evil category and women into the angels who are perfect and make no mistakes. Ladies, do not expect a man to be like a medieval knight to save you and cater to your every whim! You are dealing with a PERSON. If you don’t like how a person treats you, then move on. Do not lump all men into a negative category filled with loathing and discrimination.
Break the cycle of passing limiting beliefs onto your child or children. Continue reading to learn how you can do it.
Some people call it a bubble or a box; I often call it a wall. I have written about the walls we build around ourselves, but what about the walls we try to build around our children? Generally speaking most parents love their children and only want the best for them, but sometimes in wanting the best for them, they inadvertently start building a wall around them.
What is the foundation of this wall? It’s made up of all of a parents past hurts, pains and mistakes, and anything and everything that either hurt, scared, or damaged them in some way. They so desperately don’t want their child or children to experience any of that so they try to block them in. While it is done with the best intentions, it is often a subconscious effort, something they do without thinking.
Teach Yourself To Be Aware
My son is now almost 4 years old. An energetic, full of life, happy boy whom I affectionately call “Monkey Boy” for his love of daredevil moves and climbing everything and anything in sight! I love him beyond words, and every day since he has taken his first tentative steps I have had to work hard to avoid putting a wall around him. I like to think that I am doing a good job of letting him be himself, but some days, I am sure I am not succeeding so well. No one is perfect; everyone is a work in progress.
The most important thing to remember is that you acknowledge the negative thoughts or behaviour as in comes up in you and you make a conscious effort to modify it or eliminate it so that you don’t pass it on unnecessarily to your child or children.
I feel the need to add to this topic the statement: please use common sense. Obviously, protecting your child or children from any truly dangerous situation/s is essential, so in that case, DO listen to you instincts and the voice you have inside that is screaming at you to intervene. In that case, it is warranted.
A Real Life Example
This is an example of breaking the cycle from my own life. It is about taking my son to the park.
I remember with a smile my sons first tentative forays at the park, his little feet stumbling with awkward steps, while I gripped him strongly to help him walk. I would have to hoist him up to the slide, holding him as he slid down.
This past year he was able to climb the playground structures with ease. Brave as he always is, he decided that he was ready for the side of the park meant for children ages 5 and up, and I agreed.
At first, I stood right near him, ready to catch him if he fell, all the while holding my breath, while smiling and telling him he could do it! Every part of me screamed to not let him do it, but I knew that wasn’t coming from me really. That was a bit of wall from my own family, my own restrictive childhood, which was plagued with constant words of caution from my own mother about how I could not possibly manage to do the things I wanted to do. So armed with that knowledge, and mustering all the resolve I could, I stood by and let him climb on his own. Gosh that was hard! Did he fall or slip? Yes he did, but I was there to grab him and encourage him to try again, and he did so fearlessly.
Now he is “Monkey Boy” because his foundation doesn’t have that fear of climbing tall structures or tackling high slides. I did not pass a limiting belief onto him. Now every chance I get where I can reinforce a positive belief to him regarding climbing, or heights or just taking a chance, I do.
Leave Your Wall Behind
It’s easier to build a wall than to tear one down, but that is one of our responsibilities as parents. We have to make an effort to not pass along our own negative limiting beliefs to our children. They don’t need our walls; they don’t need our flawed foundations. They need love, support, and positive guidance to build their own secure foundation. Not to build a wall, but to build a strong support, a stabilizing base for their life, so that no matter what happens to them, they know they have a foundation that will support them.
Whatever stage you are at with your wall, whether it’s in pieces around you, or whether it is still tall and strong, don’t extend it to your child or children. You can’t control every aspect of their life, nor should you want to. They are not you; they are not your partner. They are their own unique individual. You don’t have to change them, or squish them to fit behind your wall. Talk with them, really listen to them, and love them completely for the wonderful person they are.
Valentines Day can be many different things to many people. Why not use it to your advantage and bring positive energy into your life. Read on to learn more.
Valentines Day is traditionally viewed as a day of hearts, chocolates and fancy dinners with your beloved. It’s also a day that many women expect to be showered with gift like jewellery, fresh roses and romantic gestures. The reverse side of this is the partner who has to sweat over card choices and overpriced flowers.
Next let us consider all the unattached persons, the single people.Valentines Day can be very hard for some single people, not only is it a day that reminds them of just how single they are, if they have lost their loved one, it only stands to remind them of that loss.
Valentines Day is also very commercialized. Many businesses rely on the day to turn a profit. Restaurants for example often create special romantic dinners at higher prices just for the day. In addition, Valentines Day gives people with an already closed heart, the means to justify being unromantic, unkind, not generous or inconsiderate the rest of the year.
How do you use Valentines Day to your advantage? Consider this option: Take all the best parts of the day, like kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, kindness, and love, and make an effort to practice them all year long. This works whether you are single, or in a relationship. Treating a person with kindness, compassion and understanding can be done without any elaborate costs. Simple acts that show you care, are the easiest way to make another person feel appreciated and loved.
Making the morning coffee, doing chores, walking the dog, and letting someone sleep, in are all things that show someone that you care about them.
At the office you don’t have to love your co-workers, but you can practice compassion, tolerance and small acts of kindness. Refill the photocopy machine with paper, Tidy up the lunchroom, offer to pick up something for an overworked co-worker when you go to buy your mid day coffee. For co-workers who are difficult to deal with, walking away or not responding with a snarky remark may be the best that you can do, and that is ok, it's a great start.
Practice it with family and friends. Try giving small random acts of kindness to strangers. You can give up your seat on transit to someone in need, or help an elderly person carry a bag. You can hold the door open to the person behind you as you enter a store. Maybe you will meet someone special along the way too, you never know.
Acts of kindness and compassion help make everyones day better. Consider the person standing behind you in line at the grocery store who has 1-2 items and you have 20, let them go ahead of you. The homeless man you see on the street. You may be wary of giving them money, but you can buy them a hot drink on a cold day. The tired parent who comes onto the bus carrying bags and ushering their small child forward. If you are physically able to, how about offering that exhausted parent your seat instead? Another option is to volunteer at an organization that needs help.
Valentines Day is symbolized by a heart. Why not open yours and rediscover all that you have to offer others, and maybe by doing so, you will find all that positive energy brings good things back to you.
We live in a society where we are bombarded with information, images and the written word daily. In all this information we are told repeatedly how we should feel and think. What products we should own and how our bodies should look. We have the option to text instead of talk. We can watch hundreds of channels on television and stream music from around the world. Modern social media, electronic devices and the internet connect us all in ways that was that never possible before, and yet, with that has come negative consequences.
Information is wonderful, yes, and as a society we are more informed and have the ability to connect with more people on a level not possible before, and yet, where are we as a society? We are a society becoming consumed by our technology and media output to the point where we are becoming a world of people who often do not interact with each other on a personal level.
Social media pressures and a push for consumerism is not a new thing. An example of this is how In the 1950s great efforts were made by many sources including social pressure and the media at the time to encourage woman to desire a life of domestic bliss. The men were home from WWII and they needed their jobs back, so women were pressured to want that white picket fence home and gleaming new appliances that the domestic life offered. Men were told that they were the breadwinners and akin to gods. They should expect to return home and find their wife happy and pretty, dinner hot and ready for them, and their children obedient and quiet.
In our modern day world we like to think that we are beyond those times of subservience and social pressures. We have more freedom that we have ever had in history to have and obtain the type of life we really desire to have, and yet how far have we really come? Have we not been brainwashed in a new way? Why interact with people on a personal level when you can text them instead? Gosh you don’t even have to break up in person anymore! Just send that email or text and you are as free as a bird!
The news now regularly has reports of persons suffering injuries and accidents because they are too busy texting on their electronic devices while they were walking or driving. We are a world where seeing someone talking to themselves is now considered so normal it is ignored! I can’t tell you how many times I have given someone wearing one of those phones that connect to your ear a wide berth because I thought they were unstable! Of course I felt really silly when they turned around and I saw the device. A modern day faux pas that I am sure would be in the pages of her latest book on etiquette if Emily Post was still alive.
Aldous Huxley wrote about a world ruled by consumerism, a people who were literally brainwashed into wanting to always having something new, where technology ruled them all. In his novel Brave New World he described a world addicted to a drug called Soma, which allowed its users to feel happiness and peace all the time, as they tuned out to the reality around them. I am not saying that technology and social media is wrong. I am not saying that the internet is wrong. I love the net! I love searching for information about new topics and learning new things. I love being able to chat with friends around the world and connect with people. Heck, being able to call my husband on his cell phone and tell him to pick up milk while he is out is very convenient! What is important to remember with technology is that it is a tool. A tool is meant to be something that is used to assist you in order to make tasks easier, and save time. A tool is not supposed to take over your life.
True social interaction seems to be slipping away. I have seen pictures on the internet of people in a club all looking at their phones and not even acknowledging each other. That is unbelievable to me. I want to shake them all and shout at them to “Stop looking at your phone and start looking at each other!” As a society we have a responsibly to contribute to it in a constructive positive manner, not just for our self but for others as well. We need to start to really listen to each other. Listening to music is great but not if you can’t hear the world around you, or the car about to hit you! Take your ear buds out of your ears so you can hear the people and what is around you. When a tragedy or accident happens, put down your recording device and help if you can! Recently a water pipe burst in Montreal at the McGill campus downtown. Quickly the videos and images surfaced of the sudden surge of water filling the street. I watched a video of one person trying to cross the street and getting pulled off her feet and swept down the road by the water. On the video there was a confused male voice asking “Hey, where is she going? Should we like, help her or something?” Seriously? How that was even a question that needed to be asked? Was it because on some level, before she fell, that young woman was not seen as a person? Was she only something to film for interest to post on the web? That is only one example of how desensitized we have become as a society. Brainwashed not by people but by the very devices we created to assist us.
Let us as humans in this wondrous world of the 21st century, work to find a balance in life. So many of us have become drones to the technology of convenience. Let us try to remember that people are what really matters, not things. Technology is a tool that is meant to assist us, not rule our lives and keep us in a bubble of ignorance. Remember that behind every text is a person. In every video you watch of a tragedy, there are real lives involved. Know that your car is a marvelous feat of technology, but it is not impervious, and neither are you when you are in it.
Let Your Spirit Grow.com