What do you do when your partner wants a life change, but you are not ready or willing for it to happen. How do you cope with the change? Continue reading for helpful suggestions. You have decided to take a new path in life. Your soul has been calling out for change and you find yourself needing to make that change now. You are excited about the possibilities that lie ahead for you, but your excitement and anticipation of the future does not make your life partner happy. What are you to do? How do you handle all the negativity that may start coming your way? Anger and negativity are often based in fear. For a life partner who is watching their other half go through big changes it can be a scary thing for them. For some people, the growth they are witnessing can trigger their own fears and insecurities. They may start to think things like “What if my partner changes so much they don’t want to be with me anymore?” or “Am I supposed to do this too? Are they telling me that there is something wrong with me?” Rest assured that in most cases these types of thoughts could not be further from the truth. Just because you are a couple, doesn’t mean that you have to do everything that they are doing. Your partner loves you as you are, and is simply looking for you to be there with them, as the support that you have always been. You may stumble across an area of study that interests you too, but it’s okay if you don’t. What is important to remember for both parties is to have a plan. Studying a topic that interests you can be fascinating and enthralling, but where are you going with it? What are you goals? What would you like to do with the information you acquire? Having a plan and keeping the lines of communication open and clear will help alleviate any fears your partner has, especially if you decide that your new life direction requires a career change. Risk doesn’t have to equal financial ruin if you plan and prepare for that change.
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The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower It’s easier for some people to live in a world of absolutes, where no allowance is made for variances. People are grouped into one category, where they are rarely allowed to be seen in any other way. Sometimes this process has a name, and that name is discrimination. The dictionary tells us that discrimination is the "unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age or sex." Discrimination against women in the corporate world is often mentioned with the inclusion of an unseen “glass ceiling.” This is an invisible limit put on some women who work in professions in which they are restricted from achieving a higher status in their career due to this "glass ceiling." In our current society, It is generally agreed upon that discrimination is wrong and should not be tolerated. Yet, we as a society are shifting towards a discrimination that is not only widely accepted, it is used with an alarming frequency with little regard to the impact it causes. This wave of "acceptable" discrimination can be found everywhere. From comedy routines, to commercials and products geared toward this view. What is this discrimination that is allowed to flourish today, and even often encouraged? It is the discrimination against men. You have heard the slurs that say all men are jerks, players and dogs? How they can’t be trusted, and how they should just be used for their money and not valued as people. I have personally heard countless women say the most offensive things about men and laugh. I have often confronted women in defence of men, and been met with distain and quizzical looks. My standing up for men was seen as not acceptable. I originally wrote this post in 2013, as a mother to a young male toddler, who was alarmed at the level of male distain that was becoming acceptable in our society. Now it is 2020 and our entire world is in the throes of a pandemic, and still the messages around men have not change in 7 years! Men are still being portrayed on television shows, movies and commercials as incompetent, to the point that women have to "save them" from whatever situation they have failed at. There is still a kitchen knife holder being sold that is in the shape of a man, but only now it is available in a wider variety of colours. Each knife that fits into it impales the male figure. A very well know major online site tried to be politically correct and called it the "humanoid tool carrier", but if you look at the description, it still says "Men are jerks." In 2013 one site called it the “all men are bastards” knife block. Another site in 2020 calls it the "Your Ex." How is that funny? If the tables were reversed and the product was in the shape of a woman being impaled by knives, the public outcry would have have no doubt resulted in the product no longer being manufactured, but since it’s a guy being stabbed, that’s okay. Right?? Look, not all men are devils, and not all women are angels. The gender of a person does not speak for what kind of person they are. Just as skin colour, height, weight or profession does not speak for who a person is. I don’t think enough women even begin to think about how hard it is for men in this world. Men are judged all the time. They are judged on how they look, the amount of money in their bank account, their sexual prowess and for their social skills. In addition, they are never supposed to be shy or intimidated to talk to a woman. There are so many women that lament that men never ask them out, or that they always have terrible dates. Sometimes they talk about a man that they know who they would like to date, but he has never "asked her out." At social events they can be heard complaining that a man made eye contact, but that was all. I pose this question to all the women out there who want a man in their lives.Hey ladies! Have you ever asked a man out? Have you ever walked across a crowded room to ask a man if he would like a drink? How about asking a man to dance? Try to imagine for a second how scary that must be? To find the nerve to put yourself out there knowing that you might get shot down in 2 seconds by a woman who thinks that all men are scum, and how dare you talk to her?! How many men have gone through that humiliating experience and begin to question if it is even worth it to date? Who needs that constant rejection all the time? Who wants to risk putting themselves out there to constantly encounter women who question them from the start? Men are scrutinized for everything from their manhood, intentions, social status, financial status and more! When I was dating, I did ask men out. I was always perceived by women as strange and I confused many men too! When I went to a club, If I saw a man I thought was cute, I did ask him to dance or offered to buy him a drink. When I went on dates, I never picked the most expensive restaurant and expected a man to pay for me. I always offered to pay for myself, and I meant it! Sometimes the man I was on the date with would insist on paying, and sometimes we would split the bill. When I was dating my husband, we worked out a reciprocal paying system, where he would pay one time, and I the next. What about the players you ask? What about them? Yes male players exist, but so do female players. If you don’t want to be with a player ladies, then use your common sense, intuition, and stick to your predetermined set of life rules you have created for yourself! Do not waver on what you will and will not accept in your life! If you don’t have any interest in being with a player and you know for a fact that the man you are talking to is a player, then don’t talk to him, or go out on a date with him! Don’t feed into his flattery or games, just walk away. If you are unhappily dating a player, but refuse to break up with him, don’t turn around and say that all men are evil! There are so many nice, decent and good men out there that are overlooked and ignored, because they are "boring." If all you respond to are men who treat you badly, then YOU are the problem. To the single men and women out there who want a partner. To find yourself a great partner ask yourself: How does he treat you? How does she treat you? That is the question that needs to be asked. Forget about making generalizations about people. Forget about lumping men into the evil category and women into the angels who are perfect and make no mistakes. Ladies, do not expect a man to be like a medieval knight to save you and cater to your every whim! You are dealing with a PERSON. If you don’t like how a person treats you, then move on. Do not lump all men into a negative category filled with loathing and discrimination. Valentine's Day can be many different things to many people. Why not use it to your advantage and bring positive energy into your life. Read on to learn more. Valentines Day is traditionally viewed as a day of hearts, chocolates and fancy dinners with your beloved. It’s also a day that many women expect to be showered with gift like jewellery, fresh roses and romantic gestures. The reverse side of this is the partner who has to sweat over card choices and often overpriced flowers.
Next let us consider all the unattached persons, the single people.Valentine's Day can be very hard for some single people. Not only is it a day that reminds them of just how single they are, if they have lost their loved one, it only stands to remind them of that loss. Valentine's Day is also very commercialized. Whether you see this as a good thing or not, the truth is that many businesses rely on the day. Restaurants for example, often create special romantic dinners at higher prices just for Valentine's day. In addition, Valentine's Day gives people with a closed heart who feel obligated to "do something nice" on the day, the means to justify being unromantic, unkind, disingenuous or inconsiderate the rest of the year. How do you use Valentine's Day to your advantage? Consider this option: Take all the best parts of the day, like kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, and love, and make an effort to practice them all year long. This works whether you are single, or in a relationship. Treating a person with kindness, compassion and understanding can be done without any elaborate costs. Simple acts that show you care, are the easiest way to make another person feel appreciated and loved. Making the morning coffee, doing chores, walking the dog, and letting someone sleep, in are all things that show someone that you care about them. At the office you don’t have to love your co-workers, but you can practice compassion, tolerance and small acts of kindness. Refill the photocopy machine with paper, Tidy up the lunchroom, offer to pick up something for an overworked co-worker when you go to buy your mid day coffee. For co-workers who are difficult to deal with, walking away or not responding with a snarky remark may be the best that you can do, and that is ok, it's a great start. Practice it with family and friends. Try giving small random acts of kindness to strangers. You can give up your seat on transit to someone in need, or help an elderly person carry a bag. You can hold the door open to the person behind you as you enter a store. Maybe one of these acts of kindness will lead you to meet someone who becomes special in your life, you never know! Acts of kindness and compassion help make everyone's day better. Consider the person standing behind you in line at the grocery store who has 1-2 items and you have 20, let them go ahead of you. The homeless man you see on the street. You may be wary of giving them money, but you can buy them a hot drink on a cold day. The tired parent who comes onto the bus carrying bags and ushering their small child forward. If you are physically able to, how about offering that exhausted parent your seat instead? Another option is to volunteer at an organization that needs help. Valentine's Day is symbolized by a heart. Why not open yours and rediscover all that you have to offer others, and maybe by doing so, you will find all that positive energy brings good things back to you. When your partner does not care to find their inner bliss, what should you do? Keep reading to learn more. In general, It is often easier to explore your spirituality when you are single. When a person is single their time is their own. It seldom matters how much of your free time is taken for meditation, yoga classes, or retreats. Single people also have the freedom to decorate in any style they desire, and that includes objects which speak to their spiritual soul, like a Buddha figure or gemstones.
The single life is wonderful for many people. There is nothing wrong with being single and loving it, if that is the direction you have chosen for your life. For those who are not single though, negotiating time and energy for spiritual discovery can be a difficult thing, especially when your partner has no interest in finding or changing their own spiritual path. What should you do? Do you force your partner to learn with you? Do you give them gifts of books on what you are studying? Respect It is very important that you do not try to force your personal views and beliefs onto you partner. Do not berate them for their choices, or act superior because you have decided to explore a new avenue of belief and learning. Do not add spiritual objects to your home with a total disregard of your partners personal space. Your partner is on their own path, just as you are, and both of you have to focus on your own individual journeys. For most couples, this will be a difficult time. The transition in thinking, the emotions, and the excitement of learning can be overwhelming for the partner who is, for lack of a better term “left behind.” Find Balance The method for dealing with this period, is to work on finding balance. For the person who is exploring their spiritual path and the person who is not. If you learn something new that you want to share with your partner, do it lovingly and gently without forcing your beliefs onto them. Don't Do This You have just taken a class on Chakras. You are excited and want to share all that you have learned with your partner. In your excitement you buy a collection of gemstones which relate to the Chakras. You insist on giving your partner “their” stone. This is a gemstone that you have picked for them. You are certain it is theirs because you are convinced a certain Chakra point in them needs to be "fixed." You then thrust this stone into their hand, and insist that they have this “problem”. Without giving them a chance to speak you then describe in detail to them all of their “issues”. You then order them to carry the gemstone with them at all times. Do This Instead You have just taken a class on Chakras. You are excited and want to share all that you have learned with your partner. In your excitement you buy a collection of gemstones which relate to the Chakras. You really want to share what you have learned with your partner, but you recognize that they may not be receptive to what you have just learned. You love your partner very much and although you want to share your new knowledge right away, you decide to find a beautiful bowl to display your new gemstones in instead. By doing this, you know that your partner will see them at some point. You also know that if they are interested, they will ask you about them. If that happens, you will briefly explain what they are for, and will only elaborate IF and WHEN they ask. You also decide to leave your books from the class on your coffee table, so that you or anyone else can read them too. You know that just like water flowing down a river, it is best to let people find their own way, at their own pace. Feeling Left Out What about the partner on the receiving end of all this spiritual enlightenment? They may feel that they have a partner they do not recognize. They may begin to feel left out, alone or no longer compatible. One thing a partner can do is to try and offer support during this time of exploration. They should not make light of their partners choices. Work together to create a space that works for both of you through communication and compromise. Two people who are committed to each other can be on different paths, and sometimes those paths can overlap. Experience different views, share new discoveries with each other at a leisurely pace, and continue to be there for your partners as you journey together. |