Life is full of lessons, and one painful one that most of us have encountered at some point in our lives, is that of a need to define the bounds of friendship. It can be  painful because in defining the parameters of friendship, many of us have come to the realization that we have been “friends” with people who do not have the same beliefs regarding it as we do. That means  we have been left feeling hurt and betrayed.

Friendship is a relationship built on trust, loyalty and understanding of each other’s needs. It should not based on greed, guilt or deceit, and yet many of us have had friendships with people only to discover that the person never really had our best interest at heart. To them friendships are formed based on what they can get from another person, as they live their life using people for their own means.

Some examples of this are: friends who need a drinking buddy so they pressure you to be it, knowing your weakness is alcohol. You  may find yourself only being called or asked to go out when that friend wants to drink. Another type of friendship is a friend who has a life partner and possibly a child, and they’re looking for either free babysitting and/or they like that you are single and available to be their “go to” friend when things need done. You may find yourself constantly being asked to “help” with things like home décor or renovation, shopping, cooking or various other chores that they ask you to help with because they don’t seem to have the time for, or you are "good": at.   At first this type of friendship may seem okay to you, after all helping out friends is important. The problem occurs if that help is hardly ever or never reciprocated back to you. To test this theory, ask yourself, are they suddenly and consistently unavailable to help when you need it? How about when you meet someone? Do they act jealous or try to sabotage your love life? These types of “friends” don’t want you to have a life  outside of theirs because then you won’t be available  to them when they need you.

So what defines a true friend then? A true friend is someone who is there for you when you need them, and reciprocates that back to you.  An example of this is being able to call you at 2am because something major has happened to them and they need to talk to you. If this happens every once in a while and you know that you can call them at 2am if you needed to as well, this type of situation is okay. Now, if the 2am phone call happens every weekend because they are drunk and need a lift home, then that is a problem.

True friends will call you to ask about you and your life. They have an interest in who you are, those you love, and what you are doing.  They also don’t try to push you to do things you don’t want to such as drinking, drugs or to be in situations that you don’t want to be in. They also don’t have an expectation that they will get something from you all the time. They are happy to be around you without strings attached.

So what kind of friends do you have? Are they complimenting your lifestyle or creating negativity in your world?

1.        Volume

 Begin by examining your vocal volume to determine how you are perceived by others in social situations. For example: Do you find yourself stuttering and stumbling upon your words? Do you struggling to communicate clearly and effectively? Perhaps you are the opposite of this. Are you loud and brash, you letting everyone in the room know that you are there? The ideal volume for speaking falls in between these two scenarios. Loud enough to be heard, but not shouting at a person. Can you imagine a Hypnotherapist shouting at clients? That would definitely be frowned upon! It’s not a relaxing way to communicate and it can scare people too. Now, If I whispered and stuttered at my clients they would not understand what I was saying would they? If this is your problem, consider working with someone on self-confidence and voice projection. Joining a choir for example, is a great and fun way to learn voice projection and gain confidence in volume control and public appearances.

2.       Tone

Tonality is important in communication. As a Hypnotherapist it is very important that my tone convey a professional, relaxed manner. I try to speak in even tones, with emphasis when required. Many women especially, have a habit of turning their comments into questions. They do this by placing the emphasis at the end of the sentence where they raise their tone.  To illustrate this tonality, I have created a simple question posed to a hypothetical woman named Mary.  Question: “what did you do today Mary?”  Answer: “Well, we went canoeing on the lake?” (raises tone of voice at the end of her sentence to create a question) This should have be a statement, but it has been turned into a question. Why is this wrong?  By turning statements and facts into questions, the validity and merit of what you are saying becomes weakened. If your speech tonality reflects that you are looking for validation in what you are saying, it shows that you have a lack of confidence in your own words.

3.       Breathing

 Many people who are nervous in social situations unconsciously increase their breathing rate often to the point of sounding breathless (which they tend to be) It is important to remember to take several deep breathes if you find yourself becoming nervous or anxious. Even confident speakers can become breathless due to over exertion and excitement in relaying their point. Take the time to pause during conversations. It allows you to hear what the other person is saying, and if needed, gives you time to get your breathing to a comfortable level again.  Practicing speaking in front of a mirror. This is a good way to work on controlling your breathing as you can physically see how you are acting. Do you tense your shoulders? Do you hold your breath at any point? Watch yourself in the mirror and see what happens. Another option is to work with a close friend who will not judge you. You can then have discussions on a variety of social topics, while working on breathing and listening skills.

If you take the time to work on these 3 areas, you are well on your way to mastering the art of socializing comfortably and with confidence.

You have decided to take a new path in life. Your soul has been calling out for change and you find yourself needing to make that change now. You are excited about the possibilities that lie ahead for you, but your excitement and anticipation of the future does not make your life partner happy. What are you to do? How do you handle all the negativity that may start coming your way?

Anger and negativity are often based in fear. For a life partner who is watching their other half go through big changes it can be a scary thing for them. For some people, the growth they are witnessing can trigger their own fears and insecurities. They may start to think things like “What if my partner changes so much they don’t want to be with me anymore?” or “Am I supposed to do this too? Are they telling me that there is something wrong with me?” 

Rest assured that in most cases these types of thoughts could not be further from the truth. Just because you are a couple, doesn’t mean that you have to do everything that they are doing. Your partner loves you as you are, and is simply looking for you to be there with them, as the support that you have always been.  You may stumble across an area of study that interests you too, but it’s okay if you don’t.

What is important to remember for both parties is to have a plan. Studying a topic that interests you can be fascinating and enthralling, but where are you going with it? What are you goals? What would you like to do with the information you acquire? Having a plan and keeping the lines of communication open and clear will help alleviate any fears your partner has, especially if you decide that your new life direction requires a career change.  Risk doesn’t have to equal financial ruin if you plan and prepare for that change.

​At first glance, many senior citizens appear to be at a point in their lives where they are able to devote more time for themselves.  This can be a false view as in today’s world, many grandparents have found themselves saddled with the responsibility of either babysitting several days a week or in fact raising their own grandchildren. This can create a situation where mind, body and spirit are often pushed to their limits.

Even when a senior is not faced with that particular challenge, there are often others such as health issues,  chronic pain, medication side effects, loneliness, low self-esteem and bereavement issues.

Hypnotherapy is a tool, which can be used alone or in conjunction with other modalities, services and/or medications.  It can be used help seniors achieve a state of deep relaxation, while allowing them to be receptive to positive messages of change and healing.  It doesn’t require any invasive measures or special equipment be used.  It also does not require a large time commitment out of a person’s day, as an average Hypnotherapy session lasts one hour. Positive changes from Hypnotherapy can be achieved in as little as one session, but in general, multiple sessions are required in order to facilitate lasting change.

One issue that plagues the senior population, is that many older citizens often inadvertently find themselves interacting with others less and less. Isolation from society is an ongoing problem for seniors. It can be due to ill health, financial constraints, location, self-esteem issues or motivational issues.  One way that Hypnotherapy can help with this issue is by helping to create a positive mindset, which allows for the ability to see new possibilities and explore opportunities that would not have been considered before. This can open many avenues of change. For example, a formerly reclusive senior citizen may find himself or herself motivated to join a special interest club, or a seniors fitness group to improve their health, therefore reducing their isolation and expanding their social circle.

If you are a senior citizen, or you know of someone  who is struggling, and you want to make positive changes, or help someone to make positive changes,  and you don’t know where to start, consider Hypnotherapy as a tool to help.

Lately I have been in a spiritual slump. I’ve been sick since the beginning of winter with an ongoing sinus issue that has now gone straight to my lungs. My child and husband have both been sick recently too. It’s pretty hard to find the energy to do anything spiritual, when I am so exhausted and stressed about my and my family’s health. Also, it’s supposed to snow again today. It’s the middle of March, and as I dream of spring flowers and warmer weather mother nature is not done sending bitter winds and drifts of snow. How do you find that spark to keep going in times like this?

Do Something That Makes You Happy

At times like this, I enjoy listening to relaxation music. It helps to take me to another place that doesn’t have winter weather and stress. Sometimes that is all that you can do. Find something small that keeps you going. Listen to music that you love, read a favorite book, find an image of your goal and put it where you will see it, or find something cheerful to decorate your home. Find something inspirational  that keeps you going.

Be Kind To Yourself

Being a spiritual person doesn’t mean that you have all the answers. It doesn’t mean that you do not fail. It doesn’t mean that you are perfect or without faults. Spirituality is a journey. We are all a work in progress, including myself. Some days the journey is difficult, and the struggle is all too real. If you do not have the energy to learn, grow and move forward, what should you do? Take a break. For however long you need to rest. It is okay to just stop for a while. It is okay to give yourself permission to heal and recuperate. That “to do” list needs to be tucked away for another day.

Let Go Of The Guilt

We live in a world where we often make ourselves feel guilty for not doing something all the time. If we are not moving all the time, working, cleaning, organizing, emailing, texting or on the phone, then we are somehow not productive, and lazy. Give yourself permission to let go of the guilt because sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, is to take a break. Be lazy, it's ok. Take time for yourself, forgive yourself, and just breathe.