This is a contributed post.
Divorce is a painful thing. There’s no way of sugarcoating it, because all of those among us who have experienced it know that this is true. That doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do; it just means that, even if it is what both of you needed, it’s still hard to let go of something you spent so many years building. Overcoming that heartache, even if you played a big part in the decision to end the marriage, is no easy feat to accomplish.
Of course, there are ways you can move through divorce, but it depends on your own mind. In order to find happiness and put that spring back into your step, so you can start enjoying life again with friends both old and new, you need to fix the things that are stopping your mind from recovering.
Sort out the legal proceedings.
This is the big one. The reason so many couples find it hard to move on after a divorce is because they’re not really trying to move on. That’s perfectly understandable, and the vast majority of us are guilty of this, but it isn’t healthy for you. To move on, the first step is acceptance. I know that’s a typical line, and one you’ve probably heard countless times, but it’s true.
Don’t delay sorting things out with divorce solicitors, because things won’t get easier with time until you start putting your marriage in the past. You need to accept that it’s over, and finalising the documents is just one step on the path towards doing so.
Reflect, but don’t project.
Arguing is unavoidable, unless you had a rather amicable separation, which can happen for lucky couples who simply discover, and mutually agree, that they’re better off as friends. Still, for the majority of marriages which end in divorce, there’s usually a lot of sadness and anger bubbling not so far beneath the surface. It’s easy to give in and argue incessantly with your partner, but drawing out the pain is only going to further hurt both of you in the long run.
Instead, focus on yourself. Focus on your own pain, rather than taking it out on your partner. Meditation is a great way to do this. Reflecting on your own body and mind is something you should practice every day anyway, as we all need to allow a little time to appreciate the simplicity of life now and then, but during a high-stress period such as a rough divorce, there’s no better time to reflect. If you have sadness that you need to work through, then you need to reflect on it, rather than projecting it.
Things can only get better.
When things are at their worse, the only way they can go is up. Of course, I’m not trying to be blindly optimistic. Life will always throw curveballs at you, whether that involves problems at work or with friends and family. Still, every bad thing passes. Remember that, and use your suffering to grow as a person and learn things about yourself. Use your pain to strengthen your emotional resilience, and keep pushing on to fight another day.