Fairly recently I had a somewhat shocking and dismaying phone call from a former client.  I will call him George for the sake of anonymity.

 Now George was a challenging client to start with. When he told me his situation I suggested that perhaps someone else would have the answers he desired, but he insisted on staying and having a session with me, so I did the best I could for him. I was generous with my time, giving him quite a bit of extra time after our session and further information that I thought would benefit him. At the time he acted happy and grateful and was receptive to what he was being told.  

So imagine my surprise when George called me up and informed me that his current life circumstances were my fault, and that because of it I owed George not only an explanation but also a free consultation for an unspecified amount of time!

My first reaction was confusion as my brain tried to work out exactly HOW I was responsible for his life? As I tried to assist George further, he became irrational and angry. He made some pretty far out accusations and I felt my own temper rising as he simply was not willing to take any responsibility for his own life and the choices he had made.  Every attempt I made at a rational, adult conversation was quite beyond his scope of abilities. He wanted someone to blame and I was it.

After I finished that phone call with George I was left feeling a mix of emotions. I felt angry, frustrated, hurt and confused.  After I had calmed down a bit, I felt something else for George, I felt sadness. Here was a man with so much potential, so much that he could have done with his life, so much that he could still do, and yet he did nothing.  He was akin to an Ostrich sticking its head in a hole! What a waste!

I’ve met a few people like George in my life as I am sure you have dear readers.  What is important to remember when interacting with persons like this, is to determine for yourself at what point do you back away?  Some people will continue to resist all good intentions and efforts no matter what, even when they say they want to change or want help.  It’s up to you to decide at what point you say, enough is enough.  Do not put your own emotional welfare and energy towards people that just want to be an Ostrich!

 If it is done with a malicious intent, it is considered Double Speak. If a person speaks this way this because they are lonely, socially awkward, absentminded or on medication for example, it is not considered to be coming from a malicious space and thus is not categorized as Double Speak.

​ Why do some people talk like this?  When a person speaks this way with a malicious intent in mind, it is because they are able to avoid a question  entirely or simply answer a part of it, veiled in language that distracts and goes off topic at every opportunity. This can be done with great success to the point that the person who has asked the question has forgotten all about it, and become entirely caught up in the new topic of conversation!  

How do I know someone is speaking this way? The easiest way to spot a Double Speaker is to listen to them talk to you after having asked them a question. Do they get to the point? Has your question been answered in a timely manner, or are they giving you multiple examples and stories that only seem vaguely related to what you asked? For example: you ask the basic meaning behind a symbol they are wearing expecting a quick answer.  What you get instead, is a 30 minute rambling detailing a personal story of how the symbol relates to them, the universe, and the social and political meanings of it, before they change the topic and ask you something totally unrelated.  At no point has the person actually answered your question! This is a sure sign of a Double Speaker!

Why is it important to be able to spot this type of speaker? This type of person is a master at manipulation. They are able to make people believe that they possess more knowledge than they do. They are able to put themselves in a position of power by doing this. When you are able to spot this speech pattern, it is like a light bulb going off.  In the workplace, this Double Speaker shows a good game face, but behind the scenes they may be late with their work or trying to pass off mistakes onto others. Whether you are in a higher executive position or are a co-worker, being able to spot them allows you to clearly see the person for whom they are. You can quickly see their tricks and avoid them, or in the case of hiring management positions, decide if this person is suited for their current position or a new one.

In your personal life, with your newfound ability to spot this Double Speaker, you can quickly categorize people and decide where they fit for you, whether it is in your dating life or with friends and family.  Double Speakers within friends and family are apt to use Emotional Blackmail to further enhance their abilities. Using language as their weapon of choice, they are able to verbalize a reality in which they are being oppressed and hurt, and at the same time transform details and events as they actually occurred with their Double Speak, convincing people that they are in fact the innocent party and the victim.

No one wants to be a victim of a Double Speaker and people who employ Double Speak have lots of practice being undetected, but if you learn to spot the signs of a Double Speaker, you can save yourself much heartache and pain and increase your clarity of thought.

Whatever your abilities, consider sharing them with others. You will enrich your life and theirs by sharing what comes naturally to you. Read on to learn more in this personal article.

Many people have natural gifts whether it is scholastic skills like math or language, or life skills like cooking or organizing. Other skills we learn and hone over the years, picking up bits of information here and there until we reach a point where we feel comfortable and competent at that task such as driving a car.

For those of us who have abilities that fall outside of the “normal” range, life can be challenging, especially when we are children. As a child, I personally had no idea what to do with the skills I seemed to possess, and nor did my family. My sibling and I are both adopted from different blood lines, and yet, he too has abilities that overwhelmed my family growing up. I remember being perhaps 6 or 7 and waking up to my brother screaming and begging to mother to “ask them to leave me alone!” My mother brushed it off as a dream, but it wasn’t. As an adult my brother chose to ignore his many abilities and I had done the same for many years as I had no idea what to do with my gifts.

One of my gifts that I have is a very strong intuitive ability which helps me to “know” people upon meeting them. That is not to say that I can read their mind, but I can read their energy.  As a child I was often overwhelmed by the energy people put out and would hide during family parties to escape the onslaught of energy and emotions from people.  As an adult I learned to shield myself to protect myself from unwanted energy and I learned that I could also read the energy in photographs.  In the beginning it was a parlour trick of sorts for me. I used to look at real estate listings and see what came up for me regarding the property. My husband wasn’t so thrilled with my ability when I would point out that a particular house was haunted by at least one spirit!

In the past I used my ability to read photographs through a service I offered called intuitive photo reading.  It was a way for me to use that particular ability in a positive manner to help people, and really that is what life is all about. If you have a particular gift, make use of it and share it. Are you a natural teacher, dancer, or artist? Do you find organizing or planning events easy and enjoyable?  Have you reached a point in your life where something is missing but you just don’t know what it is? Consider sharing your gifts with someone else. Volunteer, start a business, help a friend or neighbour. What may seem easy to you can be very difficult for someone else. They will be so grateful to you, not only for your natural gift, but also for your gift of sharing.

Today I was thinking about appearances, and how our physical presentation tends to hold so much meaning and importance in our society. In the world at large, there is a standard for beauty, strength, mental ability, and social status that changes based on appearances. It isn’t just Human nature though, even in the animal kingdom, those that are different are often not accepted with good reason. An animal that is born either a different colour or size is often seen a threat to the safety of the group. An of example of this are Zebra which have their distinctive pattern because it causes confusion to predators when they are running in a herd, as the moving patterns make it hard to distinguish one zebra from another. If a “golden” or “albino” zebra is part of that herd, then it can easily be spotted and attacked, posing a risk for the rest of the herd.

It makes me wonder if humans carry the same fear of standing out. Is it in our own genetic structure the need to blend it lest we be attacked? What about those who chose not to blend in? Sometimes they are applauded and given congratulations for being “brave” and true to themselves like a Paralympic athlete who has achieved gold.  There are other traits that are not accepted as easily, like piercings or tattoos, but even that has become so much more accepted. I guess I am thinking about this lately because I am facing my own dilemma regarding not blending in. Well, truth be told, I have never been easy to hide! At almost 6 feet tall,  I have always stood out.

 My recent musings have been around whether I should let my own greying hair win the battle over chemical colour? I've had grey hair since I was 16. Back then it was a fashionable Rogue from X-Men streak that made me feel special and unique. These days, the grey is definitely taking over!  Now, I am at a different place in my life with regards to the comfort level I feel with myself. I was surprised and saddened when I asked friends what they thought about me just letting it all be natural?  Many of them instantly responded with fear and confusion. Why, they asked me would I do that? I would look "old" I was told by some, and one even mentioned that she had no life partner yet so she most certainly could not let her grey show! 
I find the whole topic fascinating, especially with regards to women and how we view our grey hairs. Men who are grey are seen as wise and distinguished, and yet women call themselves old.  I find it very sad that women in particular are not only hard on each other; but they are so hard on themselves.

As it turns out I was not able to remove the entire old colour from my hair, so I decided to go a different route and colour my hair purple instead. I am sure that will probably illicit further commentary about not blending in as well, and for me that is okay. I prefer to be that crazy albino zebra taking chances and living my life, rather than worrying about going along with the herd. Sometimes, you just have to embrace who you are despite what others may say. Tall, short, fat, thin, grey hair, fun coloured hair, piercings, tattoos, and so on.  Remember that you have the power to transform your life in whatever way you need to, and that includes loving yourself, for you who are and how you like to look.

​My son has a new toy this week. It’s a mini grocery cart that he has wanted for ages. I saw it in the thrift store so I decided to buy it for him. Yesterday he came into my office pushing it full to the brim with fake veggies and fruits, and at the top sat his favorite stuffed tiger and bunny toys. I asked him if he was having fun with his new toy and commented on his stuffed animals. “Yup. I’m taking them for a walk” he said. “They are getting some fresh air!” and with that he rolled off again into the other room.

Watching him just made me smile and think about how easy it is for children to connect with fun and playfulness. How creative and inventive they can be, and how for the most part, it is so easy to make them happy. It also made me think about how quickly we can lose that part of ourselves.  How for most of us growing up, also meant letting go of that joy.

It was not until I had my son that I realized how much of that joy I had let go of, and how so many of us have a need to connect with that part of ourselves again. I can hear the collective groan! Yes I am talking about that “find your inner child” stuff that people talk about, but don’t worry. There is a fine line to finding your inner child though, and it’s about still being an adult and keeping up with all of the responsibilities of your life, AND embracing that fun, playful and imaginative side of yourself.

So where to start? For my clients who are unsure and hesitant to begin, I always suggest a very easy route which is to purchase a box of crayons and a colouring book. They are readily available at any dollar store in a wide range of themes. In the privacy and safety of your own home, take the time to colour at least one page. Don’t worry about the “rules” that say the sky must be blue or the grass green etc. Just play and be creative. If you go outside the lines it’s okay. In fact, do it deliberately just to see how it feels: be brave! Each week pick up something new to try such as modeling dough, stickers, toy cars, blowing bubbles or whatever else you desire. I bet that pretty soon you will be looking forward to your new “toy” and what you get to play with that week!