​My son has a new toy this week. It’s a mini grocery cart that he has wanted for ages. I saw it in the thrift store so I decided to buy it for him. Yesterday he came into my office pushing it full to the brim with fake veggies and fruits, and at the top sat his favorite stuffed tiger and bunny toys. I asked him if he was having fun with his new toy and commented on his stuffed animals. “Yup. I’m taking them for a walk” he said. “They are getting some fresh air!” and with that he rolled off again into the other room.

Watching him just made me smile and think about how easy it is for children to connect with fun and playfulness. How creative and inventive they can be, and how for the most part, it is so easy to make them happy. It also made me think about how quickly we can lose that part of ourselves.  How for most of us growing up, also meant letting go of that joy.

It was not until I had my son that I realized how much of that joy I had let go of, and how so many of us have a need to connect with that part of ourselves again. I can hear the collective groan! Yes I am talking about that “find your inner child” stuff that people talk about, but don’t worry. There is a fine line to finding your inner child though, and it’s about still being an adult and keeping up with all of the responsibilities of your life, AND embracing that fun, playful and imaginative side of yourself.

So where to start? For my clients who are unsure and hesitant to begin, I always suggest a very easy route which is to purchase a box of crayons and a colouring book. They are readily available at any dollar store in a wide range of themes. In the privacy and safety of your own home, take the time to colour at least one page. Don’t worry about the “rules” that say the sky must be blue or the grass green etc. Just play and be creative. If you go outside the lines it’s okay. In fact, do it deliberately just to see how it feels: be brave! Each week pick up something new to try such as modeling dough, stickers, toy cars, blowing bubbles or whatever else you desire. I bet that pretty soon you will be looking forward to your new “toy” and what you get to play with that week!

1.        Volume

 Begin by examining your vocal volume to determine how you are perceived by others in social situations. For example: Do you find yourself stuttering and stumbling upon your words? Do you struggling to communicate clearly and effectively? Perhaps you are the opposite of this. Are you loud and brash, you letting everyone in the room know that you are there? The ideal volume for speaking falls in between these two scenarios. Loud enough to be heard, but not shouting at a person. Can you imagine a Hypnotherapist shouting at clients? That would definitely be frowned upon! It’s not a relaxing way to communicate and it can scare people too. Now, If I whispered and stuttered at my clients they would not understand what I was saying would they? If this is your problem, consider working with someone on self-confidence and voice projection. Joining a choir for example, is a great and fun way to learn voice projection and gain confidence in volume control and public appearances.

2.       Tone

Tonality is important in communication. As a Hypnotherapist it is very important that my tone convey a professional, relaxed manner. I try to speak in even tones, with emphasis when required. Many women especially, have a habit of turning their comments into questions. They do this by placing the emphasis at the end of the sentence where they raise their tone.  To illustrate this tonality, I have created a simple question posed to a hypothetical woman named Mary.  Question: “what did you do today Mary?”  Answer: “Well, we went canoeing on the lake?” (raises tone of voice at the end of her sentence to create a question) This should have be a statement, but it has been turned into a question. Why is this wrong?  By turning statements and facts into questions, the validity and merit of what you are saying becomes weakened. If your speech tonality reflects that you are looking for validation in what you are saying, it shows that you have a lack of confidence in your own words.

3.       Breathing

 Many people who are nervous in social situations unconsciously increase their breathing rate often to the point of sounding breathless (which they tend to be) It is important to remember to take several deep breathes if you find yourself becoming nervous or anxious. Even confident speakers can become breathless due to over exertion and excitement in relaying their point. Take the time to pause during conversations. It allows you to hear what the other person is saying, and if needed, gives you time to get your breathing to a comfortable level again.  Practicing speaking in front of a mirror. This is a good way to work on controlling your breathing as you can physically see how you are acting. Do you tense your shoulders? Do you hold your breath at any point? Watch yourself in the mirror and see what happens. Another option is to work with a close friend who will not judge you. You can then have discussions on a variety of social topics, while working on breathing and listening skills.

If you take the time to work on these 3 areas, you are well on your way to mastering the art of socializing comfortably and with confidence.

​At first glance, many senior citizens appear to be at a point in their lives where they are able to devote more time for themselves.  This can be a false view as in today’s world, many grandparents have found themselves saddled with the responsibility of either babysitting several days a week or in fact raising their own grandchildren. This can create a situation where mind, body and spirit are often pushed to their limits.

Even when a senior is not faced with that particular challenge, there are often others such as health issues,  chronic pain, medication side effects, loneliness, low self-esteem and bereavement issues.

Hypnotherapy is a tool, which can be used alone or in conjunction with other modalities, services and/or medications.  It can be used help seniors achieve a state of deep relaxation, while allowing them to be receptive to positive messages of change and healing.  It doesn’t require any invasive measures or special equipment be used.  It also does not require a large time commitment out of a person’s day, as an average Hypnotherapy session lasts one hour. Positive changes from Hypnotherapy can be achieved in as little as one session, but in general, multiple sessions are required in order to facilitate lasting change.

One issue that plagues the senior population, is that many older citizens often inadvertently find themselves interacting with others less and less. Isolation from society is an ongoing problem for seniors. It can be due to ill health, financial constraints, location, self-esteem issues or motivational issues.  One way that Hypnotherapy can help with this issue is by helping to create a positive mindset, which allows for the ability to see new possibilities and explore opportunities that would not have been considered before. This can open many avenues of change. For example, a formerly reclusive senior citizen may find himself or herself motivated to join a special interest club, or a seniors fitness group to improve their health, therefore reducing their isolation and expanding their social circle.

If you are a senior citizen, or you know of someone  who is struggling, and you want to make positive changes, or help someone to make positive changes,  and you don’t know where to start, consider Hypnotherapy as a tool to help.

They say that an uncluttered living space helps you have an uncluttered mind. It’s a great theory, one I could definitely manage to a great degree as a single gal, living in a small apartment by myself. Fast forward a few years to marriage, a toddler, multiple moves including from one Province to another, and a super busy life and let’s just say that uncluttered doesn’t exactly describe my living space!

To help you understand my mindset, let me paint a picture for you of what I grew up with that was considered "normal" to my family.  My mother was your typical obsessive parent who had a super regimented life, no doubt nurtured by 1950s ideas of progress and efficiency in the home. Every day of the week had a specific chore. For example: groceries were bought on Tuesdays. Laundry day was Friday, but floors had to be vacuumed every single day, starting at a certain point in the house, no deviation allowed. Growing up with that  strict schedule drove me absolutely batty to the point that I swore that I would never be that way, ever!

Despite all of that, as my life went on I found myself exhibiting a similar type of inflexible thinking. I am sure that I adopted many of these behaviours as a way to control some aspect of my life, which, from the start had been very much out of my control. In my mind I created a “right way” of doing things. Dishes for example, had to be washed or loaded into a dishwasher a certain way. It literally made me anxious, nervous and irritated, to have someone else wash dish or load the dishwasher the “wrong way.”

 How does this happen?

When we repeat something to ourselves with a negative basis we create that negative belief. For example: if you say “I am a terrible dancer” you are creating a negative belief. If we reinforce that negative belief by constantly saying it, whether it is to ourselves and/or to others, we reinforce that negative belief to the point that it becomes true to us, and because we believe it to be true, we pass that message onto others as a factual and true statement. 

Behaviour patterns work in the same way. For example,  without even realizing it, I was saying to myself “The dishes are only done right if they are done my way”. This is a belief with a negative basis.  By unconsciously repeating the statement to myself I had reinforced my belief to the point that seeing anyone else doing dishes in any other way that “my way”, resulted in an experience of anxiety, nervousness and irritation, and my insistance that I had to do the dishes.

How do I break the patterns?

The first thing to know if that you have to be ready for change. I was at a point in my life that I was working on myself and what I wanted out of my life, when I decided that my behaviours were not acceptable or fair to me, or  to anyone who was around me. I decided that my behaviours were too hard to live with.  I spent a great deal of time reprogramming myself. I didn’t know it then, but I was practicing self-hypnosis techniques. Self hypnosis can be used to both to fuel negative behaviours and help reduce  or remove them.

In order to break a pattern, you must create a new way of thinking.Then you must reinforcing that thinking in a positive way. 

For myself and my strict thinking about dish washing,  I  forced myself to repeated  a phrase:  “My way is one of many ways to wash dishes. It’s okay if someone washes them a different way.”  I made a point of saying it out loud as hearing the words said reinforces the statement.  With time and consistency of repeating my message, I was able to break the pattern I had created for myself.  At first  I could not even watch anyone wash dishes! I had to walk away from the visual of it but that is okay, it is part of the process.

If you are trying to break a pattern, consistent, regular, positive reinforcement is what is needed. Tell it to yourself and make sure to repeat it to others. For example: "I am a great dancer!"  Sometimes you will have to walk away and give yourself a break, but it will get better. Reprogramming a belief takes time and patience with yourself. You can do it.

Be kind to yourself. We are all a work in progress. To this day, I still shake my head at the way some people wash dishes, but I have learned to just let it go.  I still prefer an ordered, clean space but I also know that sometimes, at some points in life, that is just not possible, and that is okay.