Do you have a pattern that you would like to break? Are you sure that you are "just not good" at something or is that a belief you have taught yourself? Learn how to change your thinking in this hypnotic post.
They say that an uncluttered living space helps you have an uncluttered mind. It’s a great theory, one I could definitely manage to a great degree as a single gal, living in a small apartment by myself. Fast forward a few years to marriage, a toddler, multiple moves including from one Province to another, and a super busy life and let’s just say that uncluttered doesn’t exactly describe my living space!
To help you understand my mindset, let me paint a picture for you of what I grew up with that was considered "normal" to my family. My mother was your typical obsessive parent who had a super regimented life, no doubt nurtured by 1950s ideas of progress and efficiency in the home. Every day of the week had a specific chore. For example: groceries were bought on Tuesdays. Laundry day was Friday, but floors had to be vacuumed every single day, starting at a certain point in the house, no deviation allowed. Growing up with that strict schedule drove me absolutely batty to the point that I swore that I would never be that way, ever!
Despite all of that, as my life went on I found myself exhibiting a similar type of inflexible thinking. I am sure that I adopted many of these behaviours as a way to control some aspect of my life, which, from the start had been very much out of my control. In my mind I created a “right way” of doing things. Dishes for example, had to be washed or loaded into a dishwasher a certain way. It literally made me anxious, nervous and irritated, to have someone else wash dish or load the dishwasher the “wrong way.”
How does this happen?
When we repeat something to ourselves with a negative basis we create that negative belief. For example: if you say “I am a terrible dancer” you are creating a negative belief. If we reinforce that negative belief by constantly saying it, whether it is to ourselves and/or to others, we reinforce that negative belief to the point that it becomes true to us, and because we believe it to be true, we pass that message onto others as a factual and true statement.
Behaviour patterns work in the same way. For example, without even realizing it, I was saying to myself “The dishes are only done right if they are done my way”. This is a belief with a negative basis. By unconsciously repeating the statement to myself I had reinforced my belief to the point that seeing anyone else doing dishes in any other way that “my way”, resulted in an experience of anxiety, nervousness and irritation, and my insistance that I had to do the dishes.
How do I break the patterns?
The first thing to know if that you have to be ready for change. I was at a point in my life that I was working on myself and what I wanted out of my life, when I decided that my behaviours were not acceptable or fair to me, or to anyone who was around me. I decided that my behaviours were too hard to live with. I spent a great deal of time reprogramming myself. I didn’t know it then, but I was practicing self-hypnosis techniques. Self hypnosis can be used to both to fuel negative behaviours and help reduce or remove them.
In order to break a pattern, you must create a new way of thinking.Then you must reinforcing that thinking in a positive way.
For myself and my strict thinking about dish washing, I forced myself to repeated a phrase: “My way is one of many ways to wash dishes. It’s okay if someone washes them a different way.” I made a point of saying it out loud as hearing the words said reinforces the statement. With time and consistency of repeating my message, I was able to break the pattern I had created for myself. At first I could not even watch anyone wash dishes! I had to walk away from the visual of it but that is okay, it is part of the process.
If you are trying to break a pattern, consistent, regular, positive reinforcement is what is needed. Tell it to yourself and make sure to repeat it to others. For example: "I am a great dancer!" Sometimes you will have to walk away and give yourself a break, but it will get better. Reprogramming a belief takes time and patience with yourself. You can do it.
Be kind to yourself. We are all a work in progress. To this day, I still shake my head at the way some people wash dishes, but I have learned to just let it go. I still prefer an ordered, clean space but I also know that sometimes, at some points in life, that is just not possible, and that is okay.