Starting Again After A Break-Up

Self care after a breakup is highlighted in this contributed post.

One of the worst feelings in the world is grief, and it doesn’t just follow a death. Grief can follow a change in situation, such as having family or friends move abroad or a breakup. We feel like there has been a loss in our lives and that is exactly what is being dealt with, except it’s a loss of love and companionship and not life. Relationships coming to an end are a challenge and there are stages you go through before you can truly function again.

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The whole emotional rollercoaster of starting again after a relationship breakdown can feel overwhelming, scary and lonely – no one wants to go on this ride alone! Adjusting to the single life again feels like going back to the start of a race that you’d only just finished, and if there are children involved, it’s even more heart-breaking. To be able to move forward with life in a positive way, there are two paths you must choose between: winning your ex back or moving forward alone. If you plan to try and win your ex back, you need a game plan. You need to be able to face them without breaking apart and that means doing things in reverse. You should work on yourself and loving yourself, so that when you try to fight the battle of winning them back, you can be successful. With these steps, you can work yourself into a position where you are strong and feel like you can conquer anything. It’s important to feel like you can look after yourself if you don’t win, and that requires you not to feel like you’re going to fall apart.

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Believe In Yourself
Self-belief is possible the hardest thing for most people to grasp, especially after confidence is brought down with a break-up. You need to realise you were born with magic inside you! If you were left by someone, you’re not going to feel magnificent in the slightest, you’re going to feel like you’ve got something wrong with you – you haven’t. If someone else cannot see your shine, then that’s not for you to worry about. Be secure with who you are and make a point of reminding yourself of all the reasons you are brilliant. Start focusing on the best things about yourself and recite them every day so you don’t forget. This’ll help you move into a more positive mindset, and accept that you’re not a bad person.


Take Ten
The grief you’ll feel in the initial days of the breakup is going to feel all-consuming. Like an open wound that’s being poked! What you need to do is allow yourself ten minutes a day to cry, to scream, to punch pillows and to feel sorry for yourself. Then balance those ten minutes out with something amazing for yourself like reading a book, a walk in the sunshine or a face mask. Give yourself permission to be happy and healthy and be the bet you can for yourself. This type of healing will allow you to move on from the pain, even if you do decide to bite the bullet and get back together. Let yourself mourn, absolutely, but don’t let it consume you.


Learn Lessons
The bitterness and regrets you may feel following the breakdown of a relationship can make you feel depressed and sad. There will be a lot of ‘what if’s and ‘if only’ and wondering where it all went wrong. These thoughts aren’t healthy and while they’re okay for a while, you cannot keep them going. Learn from the relationship, perhaps start meditation like this to find your calm and learn from the mistakes that were made on both sides and allow yourself to move forward from them. Stop worrying about what happened then and think about what you can do to move ahead.

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Make You Happy
Starting again after a relationship ends starts with making yourself happy. If that means going on holiday, starting an exercise class or splashing some money shopping for yourself, do it. Whatever it is that’s going to make you feel fantastic about yourself you need to do it. Work out what matters to you and what will make your soul soar and do those things. Each time you find yourself wallowing on the things that went wrong, pull your focus around to you. it’s not about ignoring the heartbreak, it’s about fighting it with happiness. If you’re feeling happy and secure and well-rounded, you can feel excited for the future and the old insecurities won’t hurt so much. Take the time to discover things you like that you may have put to one side because your partner didn’t and revisit those things again. Make yourself remember what it was like to be dependent on yourself and bask in that happiness.


Reinvention
Every book will tell you not to do anything drastic once a relationship ends, but reinvention doesn’t mean starting with cutting off all your hair and quitting your job. It starts inside, and telling yourself that you can move ahead happily single. Don’t change your appearance, but change how you view it! Feel more successful in the way you can still get up in the morning and face the day. Embrace the days you can stop crying sooner than the day before. Focus on all the positives that come from the ‘after’ and you won’t find yourself dwelling on the ‘before’.


Starting again after the end of a relationship doesn’t mean doing it alone. Self-rejection after a breakup is common, but not something you need to be party to if you don’t want to. You need to look at life in a way that means you are able to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep smiling. There’s no one in the world that can make you feel bad about yourself so take a deep breath, put those shoulders back and keep going forward.