Do you have a pattern that you would like to break? Are you sure that you are "just not good" at something or is that a belief you have taught yourself? Learn how to change your thinking in this hypnotic post. They say that an uncluttered living space helps you have an uncluttered mind. It’s a great theory, one I could definitely manage to a great degree as a single gal, living in a small apartment by myself. Fast forward a few years to marriage, a toddler, multiple moves including from one Province to another, and a super busy life and let’s just say that uncluttered doesn’t exactly describe my living space! To help you understand my mindset, let me paint a picture for you of what I grew up with that was considered "normal" to my family. My mother was your typical obsessive parent who had a super regimented life, no doubt nurtured by 1950s ideas of progress and efficiency in the home. Every day of the week had a specific chore. For example: groceries were bought on Tuesdays. Laundry day was Friday, but floors had to be vacuumed every single day, starting at a certain point in the house, no deviation allowed. Growing up with that strict schedule drove me absolutely batty to the point that I swore that I would never be that way, ever! Despite all of that, as my life went on I found myself exhibiting a similar type of inflexible thinking. I am sure that I adopted many of these behaviours as a way to control some aspect of my life, which, from the start had been very much out of my control. In my mind I created a “right way” of doing things. Dishes for example, had to be washed or loaded into a dishwasher a certain way. It literally made me anxious, nervous and irritated, to have someone else wash dish or load the dishwasher the “wrong way.” How does this happen? When we repeat something to ourselves with a negative basis we create that negative belief. For example: if you say “I am a terrible dancer” you are creating a negative belief. If we reinforce that negative belief by constantly saying it, whether it is to ourselves and/or to others, we reinforce that negative belief to the point that it becomes true to us, and because we believe it to be true, we pass that message onto others as a factual and true statement. Behaviour patterns work in the same way. For example, without even realizing it, I was saying to myself “The dishes are only done right if they are done my way”. This is a belief with a negative basis. By unconsciously repeating the statement to myself I had reinforced my belief to the point that seeing anyone else doing dishes in any other way that “my way”, resulted in an experience of anxiety, nervousness and irritation, and my insistance that I had to do the dishes. How do I break the patterns? The first thing to know if that you have to be ready for change. I was at a point in my life that I was working on myself and what I wanted out of my life, when I decided that my behaviours were not acceptable or fair to me, or to anyone who was around me. I decided that my behaviours were too hard to live with. I spent a great deal of time reprogramming myself. I didn’t know it then, but I was practicing self-hypnosis techniques. Self hypnosis can be used to both to fuel negative behaviours and help reduce or remove them. In order to break a pattern, you must create a new way of thinking.Then you must reinforcing that thinking in a positive way. For myself and my strict thinking about dish washing, I forced myself to repeated a phrase: “My way is one of many ways to wash dishes. It’s okay if someone washes them a different way.” I made a point of saying it out loud as hearing the words said reinforces the statement. With time and consistency of repeating my message, I was able to break the pattern I had created for myself. At first I could not even watch anyone wash dishes! I had to walk away from the visual of it but that is okay, it is part of the process. If you are trying to break a pattern, consistent, regular, positive reinforcement is what is needed. Tell it to yourself and make sure to repeat it to others. For example: "I am a great dancer!" Sometimes you will have to walk away and give yourself a break, but it will get better. Reprogramming a belief takes time and patience with yourself. You can do it. Be kind to yourself. We are all a work in progress. To this day, I still shake my head at the way some people wash dishes, but I have learned to just let it go. I still prefer an ordered, clean space but I also know that sometimes, at some points in life, that is just not possible, and that is okay.
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Tarot cards are fascinating and mysterious, but do they really hold the power that some people think they do? Continue reading to find out. Let me start off by saying that I enjoy helping people. I enjoy the feeling that I have contributed in a positive way to someones life. Helping a person find his or her “a-ha” moment or moments is truly, a very rewarding thing. I am not ashamed to admit that I am good at what I do. I work in multiple modalities, including as a Tarot reader. It is something that comes naturally to me. Having said that, I have started to really cringe when someone wants a Tarot reading, especially for groups like a party.
Tarot cards are a tool. They are something that I use to assist in readings for people. I was born with a very strong intuitive ability. I also have the ability to sense energy and I see symbols and images for people when I am working with them. Tarot cards are a tool that is used to help clarify the information that I am receiving. The images and symbols I see are often not immediately understood by me or my clients. I would love to be able to give people clear-cut answers, but it just doesn’t work that way for me. It would be nice if it did, because I personally could seriously use some winning Lotto numbers for myself!! When people learn that I am an Intuitive and offer Tarot Readings, I am often immediately met with wide-eyed glee, and abrupt questions like “Can you give me the winning Lotto numbers?” or they demand exact answers to questions like "What date will I marry?" or "When will I be the manager at my job? Single people will often ask me for the exact date and time they will meet someone, or the exact description of that person. This is the trouble with Tarot. Tarot cards are often seen as a quick fix system for life answers. Some people want to use it as an excuse to be lazy in their lives. What do I mean? Well let's imagine I could give them an exact answer to their marriage question of "When will I meet my life partner?" with “You will meet your soul mate in 2.5 years” Some people would take that to mean that they don’t have to try to meet anyone. If I told someone “ You will be rich” then they would just sit back and wait for the money to come to them. "What about Tarot readers who do give exact answers you may ask?" Well, like any profession, there is a wide range of skills. Some people may in fact be able to give you that exact information you desire but buyer beware! There are also unethical people in this profession too. If you keep in mind that Tarot is a tool, not a magical thing that grants wishes, you will have a better experience. Life isn’t about waiting for answers, or expecting your life to change for the better because someone tells you it will. YOU have to change your life if YOU want things to be different. You have to work on changing yourself, your situation, your finances, your love life and so forth. Instant answers and instant change is the stuff of fiction and movies. Fiction is fun. Oh My Gosh! I love a good historical fiction novel, and boy do I love a good fantasy movie! I love the ones that solve mysteries or have magic in them. That is all they are though, just fantasy; a product of Hollywood, all computer generated sets, fancy costumes and scripted lines. Real life doesn’t come with scripts, you have to write your own. You don’t get a magic wand or ancient coded text to help you. Your tools are in you, and with the help of a support network, teachers, and guides who you meet along the way. If you like Tarot, great. Find a Tarot reader you trust to help you stay on track and clarify your choices, or take a course and learn it yourself. Most of all, allow yourself to believe in your own power. Use your learned knowledge and inner strength to work towards the life that you want. The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower It’s easier for some people to live in a world of absolutes, where no allowance is made for variances. People are grouped into one category, where they are rarely allowed to be seen in any other way. Sometimes this process has a name, and that name is discrimination. The dictionary tells us that discrimination is the "unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age or sex." Discrimination against women in the corporate world is often mentioned with the inclusion of an unseen “glass ceiling.” This is an invisible limit put on some women who work in professions in which they are restricted from achieving a higher status in their career due to this "glass ceiling." In our current society, It is generally agreed upon that discrimination is wrong and should not be tolerated. Yet, we as a society are shifting towards a discrimination that is not only widely accepted, it is used with an alarming frequency with little regard to the impact it causes. This wave of "acceptable" discrimination can be found everywhere. From comedy routines, to commercials and products geared toward this view. What is this discrimination that is allowed to flourish today, and even often encouraged? It is the discrimination against men. You have heard the slurs that say all men are jerks, players and dogs? How they can’t be trusted, and how they should just be used for their money and not valued as people. I have personally heard countless women say the most offensive things about men and laugh. I have often confronted women in defence of men, and been met with distain and quizzical looks. My standing up for men was seen as not acceptable. I originally wrote this post in 2013, as a mother to a young male toddler, who was alarmed at the level of male distain that was becoming acceptable in our society. Now it is 2020 and our entire world is in the throes of a pandemic, and still the messages around men have not change in 7 years! Men are still being portrayed on television shows, movies and commercials as incompetent, to the point that women have to "save them" from whatever situation they have failed at. There is still a kitchen knife holder being sold that is in the shape of a man, but only now it is available in a wider variety of colours. Each knife that fits into it impales the male figure. A very well know major online site tried to be politically correct and called it the "humanoid tool carrier", but if you look at the description, it still says "Men are jerks." In 2013 one site called it the “all men are bastards” knife block. Another site in 2020 calls it the "Your Ex." How is that funny? If the tables were reversed and the product was in the shape of a woman being impaled by knives, the public outcry would have have no doubt resulted in the product no longer being manufactured, but since it’s a guy being stabbed, that’s okay. Right?? Look, not all men are devils, and not all women are angels. The gender of a person does not speak for what kind of person they are. Just as skin colour, height, weight or profession does not speak for who a person is. I don’t think enough women even begin to think about how hard it is for men in this world. Men are judged all the time. They are judged on how they look, the amount of money in their bank account, their sexual prowess and for their social skills. In addition, they are never supposed to be shy or intimidated to talk to a woman. There are so many women that lament that men never ask them out, or that they always have terrible dates. Sometimes they talk about a man that they know who they would like to date, but he has never "asked her out." At social events they can be heard complaining that a man made eye contact, but that was all. I pose this question to all the women out there who want a man in their lives.Hey ladies! Have you ever asked a man out? Have you ever walked across a crowded room to ask a man if he would like a drink? How about asking a man to dance? Try to imagine for a second how scary that must be? To find the nerve to put yourself out there knowing that you might get shot down in 2 seconds by a woman who thinks that all men are scum, and how dare you talk to her?! How many men have gone through that humiliating experience and begin to question if it is even worth it to date? Who needs that constant rejection all the time? Who wants to risk putting themselves out there to constantly encounter women who question them from the start? Men are scrutinized for everything from their manhood, intentions, social status, financial status and more! When I was dating, I did ask men out. I was always perceived by women as strange and I confused many men too! When I went to a club, If I saw a man I thought was cute, I did ask him to dance or offered to buy him a drink. When I went on dates, I never picked the most expensive restaurant and expected a man to pay for me. I always offered to pay for myself, and I meant it! Sometimes the man I was on the date with would insist on paying, and sometimes we would split the bill. When I was dating my husband, we worked out a reciprocal paying system, where he would pay one time, and I the next. What about the players you ask? What about them? Yes male players exist, but so do female players. If you don’t want to be with a player ladies, then use your common sense, intuition, and stick to your predetermined set of life rules you have created for yourself! Do not waver on what you will and will not accept in your life! If you don’t have any interest in being with a player and you know for a fact that the man you are talking to is a player, then don’t talk to him, or go out on a date with him! Don’t feed into his flattery or games, just walk away. If you are unhappily dating a player, but refuse to break up with him, don’t turn around and say that all men are evil! There are so many nice, decent and good men out there that are overlooked and ignored, because they are "boring." If all you respond to are men who treat you badly, then YOU are the problem. To the single men and women out there who want a partner. To find yourself a great partner ask yourself: How does he treat you? How does she treat you? That is the question that needs to be asked. Forget about making generalizations about people. Forget about lumping men into the evil category and women into the angels who are perfect and make no mistakes. Ladies, do not expect a man to be like a medieval knight to save you and cater to your every whim! You are dealing with a PERSON. If you don’t like how a person treats you, then move on. Do not lump all men into a negative category filled with loathing and discrimination. Break the cycle of passing limiting beliefs onto your child or children. Continue reading to learn how you can do it. Some people call it a bubble or a box; I often call it a wall. I have written about the walls we build around ourselves, but what about the walls we try to build around our children? Generally speaking most parents love their children and only want the best for them, but sometimes in wanting the best for them, they inadvertently start building a wall around them.
What is the foundation of this wall? It’s made up of all of a parents past hurts, pains and mistakes, and anything and everything that either hurt, scared, or damaged them in some way. They so desperately don’t want their child or children to experience any of that so they try to block them in. While it is done with the best intentions, it is often a subconscious effort, something they do without thinking. Teach Yourself To Be Aware My son is now almost 4 years old. An energetic, full of life, happy boy whom I affectionately call “Monkey Boy” for his love of daredevil moves and climbing everything and anything in sight! I love him beyond words, and every day since he has taken his first tentative steps I have had to work hard to avoid putting a wall around him. I like to think that I am doing a good job of letting him be himself, but some days, I am sure I am not succeeding so well. No one is perfect; everyone is a work in progress. The most important thing to remember is that you acknowledge the negative thoughts or behaviour as in comes up in you and you make a conscious effort to modify it or eliminate it so that you don’t pass it on unnecessarily to your child or children. I feel the need to add to this topic the statement: please use common sense. Obviously, protecting your child or children from any truly dangerous situation/s is essential, so in that case, DO listen to you instincts and the voice you have inside that is screaming at you to intervene. In that case, it is warranted. A Real Life Example This is an example of breaking the cycle from my own life. It is about taking my son to the park. I remember with a smile my sons first tentative forays at the park, his little feet stumbling with awkward steps, while I gripped him strongly to help him walk. I would have to hoist him up to the slide, holding him as he slid down. This past year he was able to climb the playground structures with ease. Brave as he always is, he decided that he was ready for the side of the park meant for children ages 5 and up, and I agreed. At first, I stood right near him, ready to catch him if he fell, all the while holding my breath, while smiling and telling him he could do it! Every part of me screamed to not let him do it, but I knew that wasn’t coming from me really. That was a bit of wall from my own family, my own restrictive childhood, which was plagued with constant words of caution from my own mother about how I could not possibly manage to do the things I wanted to do. So armed with that knowledge, and mustering all the resolve I could, I stood by and let him climb on his own. Gosh that was hard! Did he fall or slip? Yes he did, but I was there to grab him and encourage him to try again, and he did so fearlessly. Now he is “Monkey Boy” because his foundation doesn’t have that fear of climbing tall structures or tackling high slides. I did not pass a limiting belief onto him. Now every chance I get where I can reinforce a positive belief to him regarding climbing, or heights or just taking a chance, I do. Leave Your Wall Behind It’s easier to build a wall than to tear one down, but that is one of our responsibilities as parents. We have to make an effort to not pass along our own negative limiting beliefs to our children. They don’t need our walls; they don’t need our flawed foundations. They need love, support, and positive guidance to build their own secure foundation. Not to build a wall, but to build a strong support, a stabilizing base for their life, so that no matter what happens to them, they know they have a foundation that will support them. Whatever stage you are at with your wall, whether it’s in pieces around you, or whether it is still tall and strong, don’t extend it to your child or children. You can’t control every aspect of their life, nor should you want to. They are not you; they are not your partner. They are their own unique individual. You don’t have to change them, or squish them to fit behind your wall. Talk with them, really listen to them, and love them completely for the wonderful person they are. Valentine's Day can be many different things to many people. Why not use it to your advantage and bring positive energy into your life. Read on to learn more. Valentines Day is traditionally viewed as a day of hearts, chocolates and fancy dinners with your beloved. It’s also a day that many women expect to be showered with gift like jewellery, fresh roses and romantic gestures. The reverse side of this is the partner who has to sweat over card choices and often overpriced flowers.
Next let us consider all the unattached persons, the single people.Valentine's Day can be very hard for some single people. Not only is it a day that reminds them of just how single they are, if they have lost their loved one, it only stands to remind them of that loss. Valentine's Day is also very commercialized. Whether you see this as a good thing or not, the truth is that many businesses rely on the day. Restaurants for example, often create special romantic dinners at higher prices just for Valentine's day. In addition, Valentine's Day gives people with a closed heart who feel obligated to "do something nice" on the day, the means to justify being unromantic, unkind, disingenuous or inconsiderate the rest of the year. How do you use Valentine's Day to your advantage? Consider this option: Take all the best parts of the day, like kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, and love, and make an effort to practice them all year long. This works whether you are single, or in a relationship. Treating a person with kindness, compassion and understanding can be done without any elaborate costs. Simple acts that show you care, are the easiest way to make another person feel appreciated and loved. Making the morning coffee, doing chores, walking the dog, and letting someone sleep, in are all things that show someone that you care about them. At the office you don’t have to love your co-workers, but you can practice compassion, tolerance and small acts of kindness. Refill the photocopy machine with paper, Tidy up the lunchroom, offer to pick up something for an overworked co-worker when you go to buy your mid day coffee. For co-workers who are difficult to deal with, walking away or not responding with a snarky remark may be the best that you can do, and that is ok, it's a great start. Practice it with family and friends. Try giving small random acts of kindness to strangers. You can give up your seat on transit to someone in need, or help an elderly person carry a bag. You can hold the door open to the person behind you as you enter a store. Maybe one of these acts of kindness will lead you to meet someone who becomes special in your life, you never know! Acts of kindness and compassion help make everyone's day better. Consider the person standing behind you in line at the grocery store who has 1-2 items and you have 20, let them go ahead of you. The homeless man you see on the street. You may be wary of giving them money, but you can buy them a hot drink on a cold day. The tired parent who comes onto the bus carrying bags and ushering their small child forward. If you are physically able to, how about offering that exhausted parent your seat instead? Another option is to volunteer at an organization that needs help. Valentine's Day is symbolized by a heart. Why not open yours and rediscover all that you have to offer others, and maybe by doing so, you will find all that positive energy brings good things back to you. |